smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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