your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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