I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
