like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize