i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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