you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
