history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
