brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
