My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
