if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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