does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
