did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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