This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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