Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
