I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
