OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
