Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
