Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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