She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
