why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
