Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
