I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
