I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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