Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
