Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
