did you get engaged???
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
