Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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