the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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