YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
