I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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