now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
