yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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