it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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