i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
NoShamevember. You game?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
