Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
