I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
