He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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