i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
