dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
