im six kinds of drunk right now
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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