New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
