everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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