You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
