Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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