I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
