My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
