I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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