11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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