u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you win again, gameday.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
