Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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