i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
