Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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