Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
