white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
