At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
