Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just tell him i said nine months
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
