The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
