blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
