I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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