Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
