Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
