saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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