Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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