I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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