Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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