Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
