apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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