lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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