My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
