Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
