Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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