brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
