I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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