Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
