I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
