I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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