the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
