Plan B is the new Plan A
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
