Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
