We got so high we made milksteak
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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