So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize