Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
