Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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