I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
