so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
