I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Vodka?
Forever.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
