she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
