The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
