Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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