I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize