the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
