That's intense
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
