why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
