I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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