So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm too high and old for this...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
