Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
